Checking it Out on the Net

Five minutes later he was searching the likes of Google, Yahoo, Lycos, Teoma, the whole lot. Nothing came up. The effort to find something in the Internet Archive proved equally hopeless. An hour later, he decided that this approach was hopeless and it was time to take another approach. He opened his Instant Message client and found “mamasboyblue2″ online.

Nothingventured: How’s it hanging, homeboy?

mamasboyblue2: Well, if it isn’t the thing that even the cat wouldn’t drag in.

Nothingventured: Yuck yuck. Seen any good lolita lures lately?

(Lolita was milieu slang for underaged girl and a lure was a term for an officer of the law impersonating the underaged; the more incorrigible online would see what they could get the lure to write for the sake of the sting…)

mamasboyblue2: If I did, I didn’t send em to you, I swear.

Nothingventured: Hey, look, I need help with something right up your twisted alley.

mamasboyblue2: Hey, I like an entendre as well as the next guy, but I didn’t think you swang that way.

Nothingventured: No, I’m referring to your professional twistedness.

mamasboyblue2: Can’t I just leave that in the office?

Nothingventured: I need something from your alien lore days.

mamasboyblue2: Mac, I can’t even see green anymore without puking my guts out. Puhleez leave me out of your abduction fantasies.

Nothingventured: Something fried a friend’s — ahem, yes, female and not zombied — a friend’s monitor, and I think it was a signal of some kind. Not of known origin. I suspect an alien intelligence.

mamasboyblue2: Oh, now that’s too funny. Mr. Circuits-for-Brains is chasing aliens?

Nothingventured: Seriously, this is like nothing you’ve ever seen — on an unplugged monitor.

mamasboyblue2: Somebodys playin you for a fool, fool.

Nothingventured: Not possible. She’d rather see me dead than see me. The fact she called me at all means she’s scared to death herself.

mamasboyblue2: Ah, it’s her? That’s what she wants you to believe. In fact, she has a Hollywood plot ready to lead your pathetic carcass across six states, and she’ll have a hundred state troopers chasing your still sorrier ass for some crime you’d wished you committed. Because you’re going to the slammer for having been stupid, nothing more.

Nothingventured: Ha ha. I need to know more about the signal, and there’s no one better to know than you what people have said about it. And if it’s debunked in some prig scientist’s appendix somewhere, all the better.

mamasboyblue2: Uh huh. Tell me more.

Nothingventured: I’m going to send you some pictures. Still mama@porn- steer.com?

mamasboyblue2: [unable to control nausea at the grotesque lack of intelligence, pukes through the Internet on your ear]

Nothingventured: ?

mamasboyblue2: bluthe@somecollegesomewhere.edu

Nothingventured: It’s coming right through. I need it yesterday, so I can provide — you understand — comfort to the poor damsel.

mamasboyblue2: The only comfort you’ll provide her is the day you keel over with a Swanson’s attack of the arteries. LOL.